The Hard Pill to Swallow
For those that know me well, you know I can be head strong and stubborn. If I get an idea in my head, it's tough to change my mind. For years I carried a story that I was so "stuck on".
I was angry with my own struggles with teaching, seemingly living paycheck to paycheck each month and always holding off on vacations because it "just wasn't in the cards". My life seemed out of my control.
I blamed the hardships on "the system", how it's broken and how it's messing it up for me. Poor me. Working hard, not valued, etc, etc, and on and on. Tears shed, anger lashed out, tension in relationships, feelings of not being good enough, smart enough or the pain of asking for financial help seemingly at every turn.
But here's the thing: Although the feelings were real, my perception was based on a reality that I had created. I was just waiting for something to save me--someone, the Universe handing me something else...whatever it was, I believed the changes would be without my own engineering of it's trajectory.
Put simply -- I was waiting to be saved. The princess in the tower waiting for her prince.
I didn't believe it was all up to me.
I didn't believe I had the power.
I didn't believe I had the right to fully expand into my gifts, the life I dreamed of.
And then something shifted.
I just got sick of this story! I can pinpoint the moment (I'll save that for another post) and it was raw, real and unforgettable.
It was this feeling that there is no where else to turn but into myself and face that version of myself that believed those stories.
It was time to take back my power and to break down that princess tower I was holding myself hostage in.
It was hard. I cried, I was scared.
But I was also lighter, hopeful and excited.
There are still tough days, I still cry, I still worry from time to time, but I don't feel dread or anger the same way.
My life feels lighter. I walk with a different connection to my purpose. I am calmer and easier on myself. I don't feel like I am betraying my truth.
And, most important, I believe this is for anyone. I believe this is for you. I know it with every ounce of my being.
I've got a Spring Cleanse coming up, so if you're curious how to step into spring with a lighter load, check it out.
With massive love and light
Leanna Jane Lewis
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Leanna Jane Lewis